Emotional Spending: How to Avoid Shopping With Your Feelings This Festive Season

Welcome to December: the most wonderful, and also the most expensive, time of the year. The mantra of the month is essentially "spend, spend, spend", whether that's on a shiny new sequin party outfit, fancy cocktails with friends, or gifts for loved ones. And what makes this surge in spending complicated is that the festive season is tied as tightly to our emotions as bows on a present. Even if you don't celebrate Christmas, it's still a time for tradition and family, which can throw up and exaggerate both good and bad emotions that are tricky to disconnect from.

You could be heading into the season glowing with the pride of a chunky Christmas bonus from work, feeling guilty that you haven't spent enough time with your parents this year, or resentful about past poor behaviour from a friend – and all of these factors can influence how we spend our money.

Team that with an influx of Christmas TV adverts and deals preying on our tired, delicate (and possibly mulled wine-addled) minds, and shouting at us to shop until either us or our bank balance drops, and it's easy to slip into a frantic, emotional spending frenzy. But when does so-called retail therapy stop feeling anything remotely like therapy, and actually something we might need therapy for? We've spoken to three financial and psychological experts to help you spot, understand, and break patterns of emotional spending during December and beyond.

What Is Emotional Spending?

"Emotional spending is where we make spending decisions based on how we feel, whether that's a positive or negative emotion, rather than a rational decision or need," explains Ellie Austin-Williams, author of Money Talks: A Lifestyle Guide to Financial Wellbeing. It's that treat-yourself-to-improve-a-bad-day, treat-yourself-to-celebrate-a-good-day, treat-yourself-just-because-it-was-an-OK-day mindset that so many of us slip into just as easily as we do those new trainers we definitely don't need and one that none of us are fully immune from. "Anyone can experience emotional spending," continues Austin-Williams. "However much you feel in control of your finances."

When emotional spending "becomes problematic is when it's a persistent pattern, leading to financial difficulties, increased stress, and strained relationships as the financial impact also affects others," advises Clinical Psychologist Dr Kirren Schnack. "This behaviour can contribute to a cycle of emotional highs and lows since the pleasure derived from shopping is only temporary. When a person refrains from shopping, the emotional needs met by purchasing are unfulfilled, causing negative emotions to surface, and drawing the person towards spending again." It's a hard cycle to break and can give your credit card a real battering in the process.

What Fuels Emotional Spending?

If the logical part of our brains tells us that emotional spending is a bad idea, why do we feel so compelled to do it? At its core, emotional spending is about escapism and seeking out joy. "One key factor is the release of dopamine, a neurotransmitter associated with pleasure and reward, which can happen when we buy something we like or want," explains Dr Schnack.

"Emotional spending can also be driven by feelings of low self-worth, and when that desire is met then we temporarily improve that sense of self-worth," Dr Schnack adds. "It's especially challenging when people have such a vulnerable sense of self-worth, living in a digital era where online self-comparison is rife."

Our childhoods can also have a part to play. "Scarcity trauma is another key factor that can cause emotional spending," says Dr Schnack. "This refers to the psychological impact experienced by people who grew up with limited resources or insufficient access to the things they needed. This can result in a deep-seated need to compensate for the past by acquiring material possessions." Shopping out of a feeling of panic, or buying expensive items as markers of success, are both indicators that this could be a driver for you.

How to Recognise Emotional Spending

Do you have a sneaking suspicion you might be an emotional spender? There are tell-tale signs to look out for. "Emotional spending can manifest itself in various different ways," explains Austin-Williams. "Finding yourself defaulting to shopping apps when you feel overwhelmed or buying lots of items spontaneously when you see a good offer in case it disappears are both giveaway signs."

According to Dr Schnack, you might also find yourself "experiencing guilt or regret after shopping but still eagerly anticipating the next occasion, and giving in to the urge to buy more things." See, it's not just about the hit of happiness you feel when you tap your card you need to think about, but the hangover from it that will drive your next purchase too. Even seemingly positive purchases, like a new handbag bought to reward a hard-earned promotion, or an extortionately expensive candle for your Mum, can leave you feeling a bit grubby and empty in the immediate term. So what do emotional spenders do? Distract themselves with the next promised purchase, and the (not-so)-merry-go-round continues spinning. Even if you're not a year-round emotional spender, you may start to spot these patterns of behaviour around Christmas as the pressure of the season builds.

How To Avoid and Overcome Emotional Spending Patterns

Ok, before we leave you feeling so down about the state of the world and the commercialisation of Christmas that you're left with no option but to shop your way out of the hole, allow us to share with you some expert-approved tips for avoiding and overcoming emotional spending patterns.

Turn off notifications and unsubscribe from emails

"The main goal of retailers is to get you to spend your money," reminds Kia Commodore, founder of the Pennies To Pounds podcast. "If you're signed up to too many emails it can be very tempting to shop these daily promotions. Unsubscribe to remove that urge." If your shopping apps send you notifications, turn those off too.

Set a budget – and stick to it

"Establish a realistic spending budget and commit to it," says Dr Schnack. "Record the reasons behind your budget, emphasising its significance and what you value about sticking to it. Regularly review this when you're faced with the urge to spend." To stay on top of things, it's a smart idea to check your online banking apps every day during the festive season, instead of burying your head in the sand until January.

Make a list – and check it twice

Often go overboard when it comes to gifting? "It can be easy to get carried away and spend more than you anticipated," says Commodore. "List out who you're looking to purchase for and what you're looking to buy so you're not tempted to splurge over and above that."

Implement the 48-hour rule

Most emotional spending happens when you're feeling hassled by an offer ending or have an urge to buy something right that second. "Try the 48-hour rule," suggests Commodore. "Add items to your basket but don't check out. Instead, leave them there and carry on with your day. If you still want the items 48 hours later, you can check out, but chances are you'll have forgotten about them. This rule allows you to refrain from unnecessary spending whilst still feeling that dopamine hit from adding items to your basket."

Avoid shopping when you're feeling down

Just like they say you shouldn't go food shopping when you're hungry, you ideally shouldn't do shopping of any kind when sad. "Shopping when distressed can increase the likelihood of emotional spending because it impairs decision-making," says Dr Schnack. You'll likely only feel worse when that EVRI parcel arrives at the door, or even worse than that when you have to awkwardly collect it from your neighbour.

Find other ways to make yourself feel better

Instead of firing up the Zara app at the end of a good, bad, or mediocre day, "explore alternative ways to cope with emotional distress," Dr Schnack suggests. "Invest time in self-care activities such as exercise to care for your body or mentally absorbing activities that care for your mind." You'll find yourself less likely to get into a cycle of scrolling and shopping when you're meeting both of these needs, and your screen time will drop right down as an added bonus.

Try and set 'no-spend days'

If you can easily lose hours scrolling through ASOS New In (how do they have so many products?), "consider setting a time limit for online spending," advises Dr Schnack. "You can also establish limits for certain days of the week, designating them as 'no-spend' days. Setting these can help prevent mindless browsing, which can expose you to more items that may tap into your emotional needs and trigger the urge to spend." If you don't know that those jeans exist, you can't lust after them.

Don't be afraid to seek help if you need it

As much as we can all joke with friends about how addicted we are to shopping, if emotional spending is causing you mental stress or getting you into financial difficulties, then it's not funny any more. If you're finding it too challenging to self-manage, reach out to your GP for a referral to a psychologist. The Money Charity is also a great resource for help and advice.

Following as many of these tips as possible will help you to shop with your head rather than your heart this Christmas – but that doesn't mean you have to go without. You'll just find that you enjoy slipping into those sequin trousers, sipping on that limited edition festive latte, or handing over a thoughtful present even more knowing that you're not going to regret it come January.