Whether you found something or just want to find something, there is a serious lack of trust. Not wanting to trust your partner or looking to find something that will get you off the relationship hook is definitely a sign you're falling out of love.
However, fixing trust may be a struggle. Therapy is one of the best ways to do this, but even just taking a step back and realising that you're trying to sabotage your relationship may help you take steps to heal your relationship.