The Best Ways to React to Your Crying Toddler, According to an Expert

For many toddlers, crying is not a reflection of sadness — it's a way to process any emotion. They may cry out of anger, frustration, fear, excitement, confusion, anxiety or even happiness. The trouble is, they may also lack the verbal ability and self-awareness to explain how they're feeling. This means asking them, "What's wrong?" will rarely yield a productive response.

You may think that making the crying stop will also stop your child (and your heart!) from hurting, but when you tell your toddler, "Stop crying!" or "Don't cry!" they'll immediately think that you don't understand how they're feeling. Their message is therefore likely to become louder and more persistent.

By asking or telling them to "stop," you're also telling your child that their emotions are invalid and unimportant. Regardless of how trivial the reason may seem to you, your failure to acknowledge how they are feeling in that moment deprives both of you of the opportunity to learn how to process that emotion in a more positive way.

Our goal as parents, no matter how tricky it can seem, is to support our little one's development of emotional self-regulation — something we can only do when we treat them with empathy and understanding.

Many of us view distraction as the ultimate tool in our emotional arsenal. Figuring that if we can distract our crying toddler from whatever it is they are crying about, we can stop the crying altogether. We've all dangled a favourite toy in front of tear-streaked faces or sung a song through clenched teeth in high-pitched desperation! Sadly though, distraction misses an opportunity to connect with your child and teach them how to deal with their emotions.

Yes, if he's fighting over a toy with another child, distracting your boy with a second toy is completely appropriate. But if your child is crying because you helped them put their shoes on instead of letting them do it by themselves, distraction is likely to only make them respond louder and more fervently in order to be heard.

It's true that sometimes distraction can work, but it's often just a band-aid. It doesn't help your child to learn how to cope with a similar situation or emotion in a more positive way in the future.

Even if your child says they do not want your help, they do want to feel as though you will back them up when they need you.

This simple phrase acknowledges that you hear and see them.

Reinforce the notion that feeling an emotion is what makes us human.

Acknowledging the event that triggered your child's crying helps them also see what triggered their emotion and figure out what to do next.

Removing you both from the situation helps your toddler understand that sometimes you need to walk away in order to compose yourself. Your child may legitimately be tired or over-stimulated and simply need to have time in a quiet, soothing place before rejoining the activity.

This invites connection with your child rather than separation. They may need a hug, a snuggle, or to hold your hand in order to feel that you are indeed there to help them.

Many times when your child cries out of frustration, they need one of three things: help performing the task, a break from the emotional situation, or to try to do the task again, possibly with assistance. Asking them, not telling them, what they would like empowers your child, helping them to feel important and significant.

Ultimately we want to help our children to develop problem-solving skills. Coming up with a solution that will help process their emotions teaches them how to look at the situation objectively and come up with possible solutions.

Maintain silence and hold loving space for your crying child. Be a pillar of empathy and strength for them.