I experienced PPD 10 years ago after the birth of my first child. For me, PPD was a heavy feeling of dread coupled with general anxiety about most things, especially sleep. Like all infants, my baby woke up to eat many times throughout the night. I couldn't get back to sleep afterward, and I couldn't nap during the day. Most of the time, I felt like I was in a fog. When the sun started to go down, I would dread the long night ahead. I didn't feel like myself, but I didn't know what was happening.
I looked up symptoms for PPD at the time, but mine didn't exactly fit. I think I was mostly in denial. I hid my symptoms well from my friends and family. My husband was just as confused as I was as he helplessly watched his wife fall apart. He tried to talk to me, but I felt like I shouldn't be asking for help. I told my doctor I couldn't sleep and felt anxious at my six-week follow-up. She smiled and said she didn't know why I was feeling that way and hoped I felt better. I figured I was on my own after that. I never got treatment, and I didn't talk about what I was going through with anyone. I felt too ashamed to admit it. With no treatment, it was well over a year before I felt like myself again.
After the birth of my second child, son Aaron (now 8 years old), I knew immediately what I was feeling. Looking in retrospect to my first baby, I realised that I was suffering from PPD but didn't want to admit it. When I felt the same way the second time, I knew the symptoms fit. I sought help from my new doctor soon after, and he was very helpful. I went on an antidepressant, and I felt back to normal within a couple months.
PPD does not mean you are flawed or that you don't care about your baby. Your body and brain are just having a difficult time getting back to normal. The way everyone adjusts is different, but you are still a caring, wonderful mother. Seeking help is the hardest but the best thing to do.
— Jennifer Rodgers, 41, author of You Made It to Motherhood: A Guide for New Moms, Auburn, CA