How to Cope With Postpartum Depression
6 Moms Share What Postpartum Depression Really Feels Like — and How They Asked For Help
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For about a month after the birth of my first son eight years ago, I didn't realise anything was wrong other than hating every moment of breastfeeding. I just thought being a mom was new and hard. But I wasn't sleeping, and I was withdrawn. I felt helpless and stupid, like I should have known what I was doing. Like motherhood was supposed to be amazing but was a black hole. I would stare in the mirror and not recognise who I was. I had many moments when I would wonder what it would be like to fall down the stairs, because if I got hurt I wouldn't have to take care of the baby and maybe, just maybe, I could get some sleep.
Then my husband encouraged me to get help, and I knew that something was really wrong. I talked to my doctor at our 6-week postpartum check-up. Because of a family history with drug addiction, I was adamant that I didn't want prescription drugs for treatment. Instead, I sought help from a local group for women with postpartum mood disorders. There, I found a psychotherapist who I visited every few weeks for talk therapy. My husband was relieved that we had an answer and we could make a plan. Unfortunately, that plan involved me being able to sleep through the night, so he bore the brunt of overnight feedings and sleepless nights and still had to get up and go to work in the morning. He was incredible!
I had a turning point at about six months where I had a fleeting "we should have another baby!" moment. It was short lived. It kind of came in waves — I would feel awful for a few months, then turn a corner, then feel awful again. I finally felt better when my son was 2.5 years old. And I didn't suffer from PPD with my next birth a year and a half later because I was looking for it. I knew what my triggers were, what to expect and how to manage it. I was open with our doula and health care team about my fears surrounding it. I think because I took control of it, it didn't take control of me.
I wish other parents would understand that PPD doesn't always mean you are sobbing or hate your life or don't want your baby. Sometimes it looks like screaming uncontrollably and then sinking into a sobbing heap on the ground, or throwing your phone at the wall because you're so angry at life, without understanding why. PPD and other postpartum mood disorders look different for every person. We need to be more supportive and more compassionate with each other.
— Shannon Moyer-Szemenyei, 35, birth and postpartum doula, London, Ontario
Related:
Recognising And Treating Postpartum Depression
14 Things Doctors Wish Postpartum Moms Knew About the "Fourth Trimester"
More Pediatricians Are Screening New Moms for Postpartum Depression, but It Still Isn't Enough