Phrases like this make the child feel like they're not smart and focuses on the problem rather than offering a solution. "If your child could form thought and language around their experience of hearing you say this, their response would be, 'Exactly, how many times have you told me? And I just can't get it. So what is wrong with you, mom/dad, that you continue to bark at me about this?!'" Dr. Lapointe said.