"You never do the dishes!"
The Fight: Whether it's a kitchen sink filled with dirty dishes or a toilet bowl that never gets cleaned or a living room filled with kids' toys that no one picks up, these small but lingering frustrations can turn into something far worse: "It's a contest of wills, and it's chronic," Schwartz says. "You want to get out of the habit or else it'll just keep happening."
The Fix: "Treat the problem as the problem and not the person as the problem," Schwartz says. "Instead of saying, 'I wish you'd clean up your dirty dishes, and it really makes me angry, and it makes it harder for me to clean, and you do it again and again,' say, this: 'My problem is that I don't like dirty dishes in the sink, and I know it's not your problem because you don't mind it, but can we work on a solution together here so I'm OK and you're OK?' So now it's about the dishes, not the asshole who left them there! And that's different. You can deal with the dishes." By changing the way the problem is discussed, you can now work together on a mutual issue — as opposed to working against each other. From that point, she recommends finding the compromise: "Nobody gets exactly what they want, but you can move the needle a little."