Indiyah Polack Answers the Most-Asked Love Questions
Indiyah Polack Answers Google's Most-Asked Love Dilemmas
Image Source: PrettyLittleThing
"I'm just a girl - I love girl talk," Indiyah Polack admits over Zoom with a big grin. Polack is the host of PrettyLittleThing and Krispy Kreme's Youtube series "Pretty Little Fling." In the entertaining three-episode series, the presenter and former "Love Island" star gives light-hearted dating advice and tries to match-make a mix of the general public and celebrity guests.
As a former Islander still in a relationship following one of the biggest reality shows around (no mean feat) and now a dating guru for the fashion brand, the presenter is well-placed to give some love and relationship advice. But what do people need to know? Well, we turned to Google and pulled out some of the most-searched for dating questions around. Could Polack fix the internet's heart? As ever, the star gave us nothing but real, honest, and unfiltered tips and also gives us some insight into her relationship with Dami Hope. Below, find out how Indiyah answered some of the most searched-for romance questions on Google.
Google Question: How Do You Know When You've Found the One?
Indiyah: Well, everyone goes through the honeymoon phase where you feel those butterflies and stuff. However, for me, it's not even about that. In my opinion, you know when someone is the one when you can go through hard stuff and you're not ready to pack up and leave. You might think I don't really agree with what you're saying and I don't like it, but I like you enough to understand how your brain works and I want to see if I can understand that because I really like you. When you're willing to go that extra mile to love someone for who they are - that's when you know.
If you didn't know the person before getting in relationship, it's important to remember that you used to be strangers. You don't have the same family, friends and you could have different morals. So quite frankly, you're not really supposed to agree with everything they say, or understand all of their boundaries because you're actually strangers. It's all about putting in the effort to learn them.
Just touching on my relationship with Dami, nothing's perfect. Two years ago, I didn't even know Dami existed. We've had great times with amazing ups and I would say our downs have been due to miscommunication. But I always check in with myself and remember: "Well, I didn't know this guy before, so I can't be hard on myself and expect to just know him." But I love him enough that I want to get him and I want to understand his outlook on things.
Should I Forgive a Cheater?
Indiyah: I'll be completely honest. I've actually cheated before and because of that, I wouldn't forgive a cheater. I feel like cheating is something that is very well thought out. When you decide to be in a relationship, cheating is something that you should know is not okay. If you decide to go against that, then you're just not ready to be in a relationship and you're also not ready to take someone else's feelings into consideration. When someone asks, "Do you want to be my girlfriend or boyfriend" and you say "yeah" a lot of things come with that commitment. It's knowing, I want to be with you and you only. If you're not ready for that it's okay to say no.
I do believe in second chances and we're all human. For me, it's like, when you decided to cheat, why was I not at the front of your mind? I feel like that's quite worrying in a relationship. I hold all my relationships to the same standard, romantic and platonic. If my best friend tells me that she doesn't like something, I wouldn't do it. So, I wouldn't do it to my boyfriend and I wouldn't expect my boyfriend to do it to me. I just think you should have boundaries in your relationship, be it romantic or platonic. I feel like cheating is a very big boundary and it's just a no-go. From a straight woman's perspective, and I love my boyfriend, but men in general are not that great!
What Are Your Top Tips For Getting Over a Breakup?
Indiyah: My first ever breakup, even though I called the shots, I literally thought I'd never love again — which is very Sagittarius of me! You have to keep yourself busy — surround yourself with friends, family and remember what life was like before you were in that relationship. You were happy, getting on with life, and going to work or school. I know breakups can take a lot out of you but you have to remember that this feeling isn't going to last forever. This is a key tip: when you're in a relationship, it's so important not forget about your friends and family. That is your support system who will be with you in and out of relationships. You have to keep yourself grounded.
If you're religious, there's this quote I always go by as a Christian and it's: "God will never give you more than you can handle." It's basically saying I know you might feel like absolute crap right now but the fact that you're still alive and growing means that you can handle it. Yeah, it feels like sh*t now but you can still handle it. You have to tap into that positivity regardless.
Image Source: PrettyLittleThing
Should I Contact My Ex Who Dumped Me When I Still Have Feelings?
Indiyah: Absolutely NOT! They're an ex for a reason. If you dumped me, I would not reach out and it's up to them to come to me if they want to get anything off their chest. If we broke up over something stupid or it was very petty and now we can have a conversation about it as mature adults, then that's fine. But to confess feelings for someone that dumped you? No, keep those feeling to yourself, write it in a diary, speak to your best friend.
There are many times when I've wanted to cuss-out past romantic partners but I haven't. I take peace in knowing that if I pack up and move on quietly, you're going to crumble inside because you can't ever say to anyone, "Oh, well, she was a bit of b*tch." If it's meant to be, you'll find out eventually. I don't like to stereotype or generalise. I'm not a man so I don't know what men think, but from what I know and what I've experienced, they're just full of ego. They don't really need any more of ego boost from us. Never let them see you sweat!
How Do You Know When Your Relationship Is Over?
Indiyah: It's not a sudden feeling. It's usually a build up of things. I feel like sometimes we let things slide and we try and patch things up. It's normal to try and fight for a relationship because you want it to work out. However, you know it's done when things feel lifeless. You always hear about women checking out before the relationship is done, and I feel like that's a prime example of when there's nothing that can keep you there anymore.
Image Source: PrettyLittleThing
It's also easy to get confused with quiet times in a relationship. Because sometimes you'll have quiet times but it doesn't mean the relationship is done. Sometimes, you don't want to talk to each other or you're not as sexually active and it can feel like there's no spark for a moment. But then you go on a date and the spark is reignited. However, I feel like when you've like exhausted all your options and you've actually made an effort to try and make this relationship work and it's still not working — maybe that's your sign.
It's tough, because people think relationships are perfect all the time and it's all smiles and roses, but it's actually not. It's quite tough to differentiate between quiet periods and when the relationship is done. If you can envision yourself with somebody else, or you can envision yourself happier without that person then maybe that is also a sign that the relationship is not for you anymore.
Should I Go Back to an Ex?
Indiyah: I feel like my relationship has matured me. Now, I'm in a stable relationship, all this "spin the block" stuff doesn't really excite me. But if I was single Indiyah, I would only ever go back to an ex for fun.
I would of only done it if I was bored and I wanted to fill in the blank because I have no options. It takes a lot of chest and power to go back to an ex because it could also leave you heartbroken.
I wouldn't advise it because I feel like "spinning the block" comes with a lot of things like maybe having sex with an ex, getting intimate again or doing things that have a relationship vibe — without the title. I know everyone's different, but when it comes to doing all that lovey-dovey stuff, that's when a lot of grey areas start coming into it. It's like well, "Why are you taking me on a date, but you don't want to ask me out?" If you start feeling like that that's when it all starts getting a bit sticky.
Just think, "Is it really worth me spinning the block? How much do I actually benefit from this?" There are other people out there, but you want me to spin this one block over and over again when they're mansions elsewhere?
Aaliyah Harry (she/her) is the associate editor at POPSUGAR UK. She writes extensively across lifestyle, culture and beauty. Aaliyah also has a deep passion for telling stories and giving voice to the voiceless. Previously, she has contributed to Refinery29, Grazia UK and The Voice Newspaper.
