How My Divorce Taught Me to Be a Better Father
I Was a Really Bad Husband — But Here's How It Made Me a Better Father
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I believe my wife felt emotionally neglected because I would too often prioritise other things over spending time with her. I left my wife alone in our marriage. It's a common theme in failing relationships. The two easiest and most obvious ways I could have communicated to my wife how much I valued her was to intentionally plan activities for she and I to do together and to more attentively listen to her during conversation.
Today, I intentionally plan activities for my son and I to do things together. (Even if it's something I don't enjoy, I do it because it matters to him.) And today, I intentionally focus when he's speaking to me about whatever middle-school kid thing he wants to talk about that might not interest me in the least. He might be talking about some YouTuber he thinks is awesome, or about some random thing he and his friends laughed about at school. Because I'm ADHD, things that don't interest me historically cause me to drift off during conversation. I learned that my wife felt disregarded whenever that happened. It communicated to her that she wasn't important to me. I won't make that mistake with my son. I don't have to care about whatever he wants to tell me, I only need to care about him. I only need to value that he values it, and because he values it, I'm going to give it my full attention and respect — because that's one of the ways he's going to know how much he matters to me.